Confession

The thing I like about confession is... you don't have to see the other person's face. And you don't have to see how hurt they are when they realize that you can't be the thing they want you to be.

You are an amazing man...

You came into my life at a time when i was trying to figure out who i really was, and.. you made me feel so well taken care of. You had such respect for me. That I started to respect myself. And I'll never forget that. Or stop being thankful. I care so much about you, I care SO much about you, but...but I know in my heart that we don't belong together. And, in a long run... I think we'll both be glad that we realized it in time.

Love Story

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, 

Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others, including Love. One day it was announced

to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.

Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was 

almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a 

grand boat. Love said “Richness, can you take me with you?” Richness answered, 

“No, I can’t. There is a lot of silver in my boat. There is no place here for you.”

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. “Vanity,

please help me!” “I can’t help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat,

” Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, “Sadness, let me go with you.”

“Oh….Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself.”

Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even 

hear when Love called her!

Suddenly there was a voice, “Come Love, I will take you.” It was an elder. Love felt 

so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder his name. When they

arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way.

Love realizing how much he owed the elder, asked Knowledge, another elder. “Who

helped me?” “It was Time,” Knowledge answered. “Time?” asked Love. “But why 

did Time help me?” Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered,

“Because, only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.”

Change...

A Girl,

no matter how many times she denies it,

she will always remember

the detail, every moment,

every piece of the memories you've left her.
No matter how much she tries to forget,

It will always be there.

I just remember how it

was back then.

What do you mean?

I mean things change, People

change, you changed. We used

to talk for hours and now

I'm lucky to talk to you for

a few minutes a day. You used to

want to be with me and now

you make it seem like you're

always to busy. I remember the

jokes, laughs, smiles

we shared. And I doubt you

remember any of that.

FIRST LOVE

I was only 17 when I fell in love. It was the most valuable times in my past. He was my FIRST LOVE. For many of us, getting over your first love can appear to be unimaginable. It's difficult to imagine that we can ever find happiness again, or that we will ever meet someone who gets us the same way as our true love did. But You need to accept the fact that this relationship is over, and ironically, getting over your first love is unbelievably difficult to do. You believed that the two of you would be partners for life, and it is hard to imagine that it could really be over.

You must face the fact that it is finished and cut off all communication with your beloved.  Then, the hardest step in the process is to allow yourself some free space. At this stage you may not believe it, but some day the hurting will fade and only be a memory, and then you will be ready to love again. You must give yourself plenty of time to get over your past love and heal your broken heart. Don't let others tell you when you should be over it, you will know when you are ready to date again.

He was everything to me. It's been three years and still, I'm deeply in love with him. I LOVE HIM so much... Since the day we've met, he has always been a shadow in my life. He pursues me. Everyday he pursues me. He was always there for me whenever I needed him and if I was upset or in pain he was there to comfort me. I wish he's still mine, I wish I could fix everything.

He didn't have a handsome face, or good figure, nor an outstanding charm. He was just an ordinary man. I love him. I love him a lot. Maybe I was so dependent on him that is why I can't forget him. I know it's no longer me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make him like me again. I will never give up. If I decide, I want him to be mine. I will definitely use all means to win him, over. But if time will come, and I can no longer have him. I'll promise myself I will stop loving him, even though it'll be hard.

DEATH

Some call it pain, and some call it

The end, but is it?

What lied beyond it?

Beyond the darkness..

That it instills fear?

What secrets lie, that are yet to be told?

Why does man fear it?

What is death,

That the whole world

Seeks to avoid it?

“tis a pathway,

An adventure…

And just like shadows are

The counterpart of sunshine…

Death is merely…

The other side of life.

KAMINDYO

Isinilang niyo kami,

Dugo sa buo naming katawan

Tanda ng aming pagkatali sa inyo.

Na kami’y galling sa inyong mga

Laman

Laman na inyo, ngunit—

Hindi lahat ng pagsunod

Tulad niyo—kami’y may buhay.

            ..kami’y hindi inyo—

            ..kami’y sangkatauhan

Maitatali niyo—aming mga kamay

Ngunit—hindi an gaming isipan

Kami’y mga anak ng lupa,

At kami’y may buhay.

Paghihinagpis walang dahilan

Para sa aming kalayaan

Nais naming umunlad,

Lumaya—dalahin niyo’y ibsan,

Mga ugat nami’y pumipitik

Kami’y may buhay.

Magtiis kung kailangan

Upang patunayan—lumaki kami

Sa bagong bayan—kabataa’y

Di bulag—oo.

Kami’y may buhay.

..kami’y hindi inyo—

            ..kami’y sangkatauhan

COLLAPSING REASON TO LOVE

We’ve been around these circles for quite long time now

We’re trying so hard still we don’t know where to start

This is not just a simple calculus

This love seems ambiguous

The reasons are unknown just like us two

‘coz to you I just don’t have a value

It’s my pain that I always eliminate

But you keep on substituting hate

We keep on building boundaries

Now, we stand on different axes

We’re losing focus and questions left unanswered

This has brought us to confusion

Why can’t we balance this love equation?

I love you but you’re giving me negative reactions

You hit me with a solid blow

This love’s volume we chose not to know

On all angle, in all view I can’t meet you

Time’s turning clockwise

But this love’s height tends not to rise

Why keep this stupid love calculator

When we keep on that life’s damn trial and error

I’m tracing this love in all curves

I want to make an end to this

But I can’t stop…

My love for you is all infinity…

In Aeternum

Looking back at those days...

when it was still my hand that you're holding

when we're still each others company in every way

I just couldn't help but smile with the memories we made

with the treasures we once buried and soon we'll find again

That the way it used to be would be back to ours and we shall keep.

I missed the way each hour would be spent...

just when I realized it...

that by now you must've forgotten

But I stayed and still lingered in my head

everything that you left me in the middle of it all.

Too late for an apology I should say...

this is you that I am talking to,

it's you that I am trying to reach,

Would you accept the last minute you've had?

And I admit it hurts to go and leave you alone

but I have to because it's best.

Take a closer look at everything that has happened...

These are reasons why I must take a step

It was I who made you turn the other way

My fault to keep holding onto something I shouldn't

This is not a selfish decision I had to endure

I could only think of you and the rest of them.

Beyond this you should be

finding your way out of the misery I gave

This might take sometime to accept and even forget

yet at the end of all these

You have been a part of me and always you'll be

someone worth it all

And that I shall keep...

Forever

Between the Gutter and the Star

Tinuring na kitang isang tala,
Hindi ng aking mga gabi, Kundi ng aking mga araw;
Sa unang pagkakataon pa lamang
Na nasagi Ng pakpak ng labi ng aking paningin
Ang labi ng pakpak ng iyong mga ngiti. Isang tala——
Abot tingin, ngunit Magpakailanma’y ‘di abot kamay.
Tinangka kong sukatin Ang agwat na naghihiwalay Sa ating dalawa—-
Kung gaano ka kalayyo sa akin, Kung gaano ako kalayo sayo.
Tsss.
Isang dipa ln pala Ang layo mo sakin,
Ang layo ko sa’yo;
Kabaligtaran ng buong inakala kong
Daan-daang nakapilang planeta
At libu-libong nakaabang na dilim ng gabi ang agwat mo sa’kin.
Nakakatawa. Nakakatuwa. Subalit,
Kapag inabot ko ba ang kamay ko
Sa isang dipang espasyong
Naghihiwala’y sa’kin sayo’y
Aabutin mo ito,
At hahawakan?

Nananaginip ba ang bulag?

Nananaginip ba ang bulag
Sa mundong walang sinag?
May kulay ba ang dilim
Sa mundong kulay itim?

Hindi mo lubos maisip
Kung ano’ng klaseng panaginip
Sa mundong walang Makita
Ano ang malilikha?

Nananaginip ang bulag
Pikit man o dilat
Hindi mo man lubos maisip
Dahil ang pananaw mo’y makitid.

Makulay ang mundo nila
Di lang berde, di lang pula
Di tulad ng mundo mo
Puro usok, kulay abo.

Pangarap ng bulag ang makakita
Di tulad mo, nabubulag sa nakikita
Kulay ginto, kulay dugo
Iyan ang pinapangarap mo.

Ang bulag ay nakakalakad sa dilim
Ikaw ay lumalakad tungo sa dilim
Sila’y nakadarama ng init at lamig
Ika’y walang nadarama dahil ikaw ay manhid.

Ang panaginip ng bulag ay puno ng kabutihan
Makulay, maganda, at kapakipakinabang
Di tulad ng pangarap ng pinuno ng bayan
Makasarili, gahaman, at puno ng kasalanan.

Sa puso ng bulag ay may pusong tumitibok
Sa panaginip  ng bulag ay may mabuting nalililok
Sa ating mundong gingalawan,
Sino kaya ang tunay na bulag?

Temporary

Listening to his voice was once my passion
Those words…
Those beautiful words that he spoke
As our emotions dwell on that room

Yes! That room where only he and I exist.

It’s like heaven had open its doors for us.
When the angels’ voices mingled with glee
As they follow the melody that echoes deep in our hearts.

Our memories were painted on the back of that door
The memories that I thought was ever-fixed.

I prayed for eternity,
But I guess eternity never existed.
And now, things have changed.

Everything has changed. . .

Now, his voice is obscure.
So vague that I can barely hear it.
Mournfulness strikes me from within.

I am alone. . .
Alone in this room
Trying to put things in oblivion.
As my demons dissipate every part of my soul,
I lie in this cold and dirty floor trying to imagine.
Imagine what life could have been if things never happened

I thought we were. . . .

I thought we can be. . .

But still, that’s how love remains to be. . .

ONE LAST CRY

I can not evade melancholy

            Nor can I obliterate woe

For I stand abandoned, wondering

At such desolation in life

I have always dreamt of having you

Forever in my possession

But reality bares affliction

You’ll sty in my dreams

So I ended up asking why

Everything seems to fall through

I have to let go of my only you

And risk a painful goodbye

And this one thing I’ll do

One last thing that I’ll mean so much to me

Before I pick up the pieces

And mend a broken me

I’m giving up my tears, my sigh

The memories and my one last cry.

DMB 143

Matagal kong hinintay ang

Dyip patungong langit.

Nang dumating na’y, pasakay

Pa lamang ako. Siya nama’y

Papalabas na.

Nagkatitigan kami at kanyang

Nasabi: “O, ikaw naman, dika

Pwede sumabit.” Nagkatinginan kami

Sa haba ng isang gabing saglit.

Umupo ako at niyakap ng titig

Ang paglalaro ng alam at agos

Sa kanyang buhok.

Umandar ang dyip.

At agad kong nasambit:

PARA!

Kabababa lang ng langit.

FROZEN

When I shunned away from feeling

And gripped myself into oblivion,

Closed my doors from emotions

And imprisoned myself into the cold…

Empty…

Masking smiles of a lifeless façade

Pretending to be happy.

Sure you are…

Confronted with trouble I cannot deny

That even comfort I try to find.

A life in solitude, I try to fill

This loneliness I cannot hide…

At night I lie wide awake at the open sky,

Wondering what it’s like to be held in the arms,

Whenever you are bleeding and broken,

To be told you’re safe when you’re in pain,

To be tamed like a lioness or stallion in the wild.

How would it feel like to be open?

To open oneself to life;

To never mind the hurt and never pry on doubt

When someone tries to unlock my heart.

How would it feel to be free?

Free to love and be loved,

To just simply let go like the birds soaring high.

Would it kill me to try?

Just once… just once…

To satisfy this hunger for love and trust;

To free myself of this longing,

Of these walls that barricades my heart,

To be cherished, that I would sacrifice anything,

To rest this weary soul and kindred spirit

In the hands of the one I love,

To dry these tears once and for all…

And to be able to speak those words I always ignored…

“I Love you.”

Falling In Love

It is lyk the feeling you get wen you fall off the ledge with your eyes closed, the wind on your face and the europhia of flying up your senses.

It is exhilarating to say the least, the most powerful ever devised by nature for humankind. Nothing can ever compare to it: the sense of utter bliss that wraps one in an embrace so tight and so fast you feel like you can almost do anything.

It comes without warning, and always catches one unaware in unguarded moments that often times it wreaks the worst havoc before one can come to terms with it. And there is no telling when it would strike: a simple day in the company of the world, a smile, a whiff of perfume wafting in the air, an accidental momentory meeting of flesh, a simple conversation, and then it grabs you.

And it fills you, gives your feet wings your mind is tricked into the impression that you can glide. It fools the senses. The eyes become clear and dewey at the same time, giving it a strange sparkle that eludes explanation from even the most well-versed of human biology. The cheeks become flushed with color and warmth which not even the coldest wind of December could ever dampen. The lips glow to fullness, giving oneself the impression that the body has gone haywire over a few pheromones.

It could not be explained. To attempt to even explain it would drive men to throes of insanity. Only those that have never felt it would ever entertain the idea of dissecting it. For once it bites, all logic and reason fail; science and everything else take the back seat and one is consumed to near exhaustion.

It offers a glimpse of heaven, unless heaven gives one a state of higher bliss. Otherwise heaven is nothing more than a sham.

It is pure, primal pleasure at its rewest: not dulled by dictates of intellect and conscience. It lowers one’s defenses: make the fragrances sweeter, the colors more vibrant, the textures more pronounced and the sounds more musical even if in reality they would not live to one’s normal expectations.

It shows the world a new light that would normally be hidden by the shadows we create for ourselves: whether that world is hallucination or the real thing we perceive it to be.

It bears our soul to the world in all its naked glory and for a brief moment there is no shame felt for what we are. Our masks are cast away, the falls façade splintering to pieces and there is no resistance.

The veils of prejudice are lifted and for once we forget the ills that haunt us. Problems fade like the darkness chased away by the light and we are reborn again.

For a fleeting instant, we are the masters of the universe. All cares in the world are cast adrift into nothingness and we set free. The boundaries of space and time are blurred and our lives are offered to us at are own leisure.

For once, we feel complete, as if all empty spaces of ourselves are miraculously filled up and we are whole.

………….

But only just. For like punctuation marks, it is just as fleeting. Like the drug that it is, its effects will wane. The colors will fade and everything will revert back to the dullness of normalcy. But its aftertaste will remain when all else are gone; its memoirs will be seared deep into memory which will be carried on by the soul to eternity.

It will leave a mark that can never be removed: a reminder of our huminity.

An indelible reminder that we have lived.

Tree, Leaf & Wind

 

Tree

People call me “Tree”…

            I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-u. There’s one girl who I love a lot but never dared to go after. She didn’t have a pretty face, or good figure, nor an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I like her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was because I fell somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after were all together all the feelings would vanish. I was afraid other’s gossip would hurt her.

            I felt that if she were my girl, she’d be mine ultimately and didn’t have to give up anything for her.

            The last reason, made her accompanying me for three years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her cry for three years. She was a good actress and me a demanding director.

            When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us; she was embarrassed but smiled and said “Go on!” before running off.

            The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I didn’t want to know what caused her cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something and watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so.

            My 4^th girlfriend didn’t like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that base on her character; she’s not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided my girlfriend. I shouted at her and ignored her feelings and walked off with my gf.

            The next day, she was laughing and joining with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt, but she didn’t know deep down inside, I was hurt too.

            When I broke up with my 5^th gf, I ask her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my breakup. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together. I knew who the guy was his pursuit to her had been the talk of the school.

            I didn’t show her my heartache, just smiles and best wishes. Once I reached home, I couldn’t breathe, tears rolled and I broke down.

            How many times have I seen her cry for the man who didn’t acknowledge her presence.

            During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It said,

“LEAF’s departure is because of WIND’s pursuit or because TREE didn’t ask her to stay.”

Leaf

People call me “leaf”…

            During the tree years of pre-u, I was on very close terms with a guy as buddy kind. But when he had his 1^st gf, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt – jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for two months.

            When they broke up, I hid my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.

            I liked him and I know he liked me.

            But why won’t he pursue me. Since he loves me, why didn’t he make the first move. Whenever he had a new gf, my heart would hurt.

            After sometime, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn’t like me, why did he treat me so well? It’s beyond what you normally do for a friend.

            I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can’t expect me a girl to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side.

            Care for him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me.

            Because of this, I waited for him. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for three years.

            At the end of my third year, a junior pursues me. Everyday he pursues me. He is like the cool and gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree.

            In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the lead to a better land.

            Finally, leaf left the tree, but the tree only smiled and didn’t ask me to stay.

            “LEAF’s departure is because of WIND’s pursuit or because TREE didn’t ask her to stay.”

Wind

People call me “Wind”…

            Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she’s so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind.

            A “Wind” that will blow her away.

            When I 1^st met her, it was 1 month after I transfer to the new school.

            I saw a petite person looking at my seniors and me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with girls, there’s a jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there’s a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she looks at him.

            One day she didn’t appear. I felt something ammised. I can’t explain the feeling except it’s a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears in her eyes while she left.

            The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled at her. Took a note and gave to her. She was surprised, and looked at me, smiles and accepts the note.

            The next day, she appeared and passes me a note and left.

            “Leaf’s heart is too heavy and wind couldn’t blow her away.” “It’s not that leaf heart is too heavy, it’s because leaf never want to leaf tree.”

            I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me and accepts my presents and phone calls.

            “I know the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me”.

            Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 2o times. Every time, she will divert away the topic. But I never give up. If I decide, I want her to be mine. I will definitely use all means to win her, over.

            I can’t remember how many times I declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert, but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping she will agree to be my gf.

            I didn’t hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, “What are you doing? How come you didn’t want to reply?”

            She said, “I’m nodding my head.” “Ah!” I couldn’t believe my ears. “I’m nodding my head” she replied loudly.

            I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place and press her doorbell. During the moment she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.

            “LEAF’s departure is because of WIND’s pursuit or because TREE didn’t ask her to stay.”